I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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