At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
