"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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