I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
