there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
we're so committed to being not committed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
