Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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