Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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