I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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