I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
