do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
