He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
