i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
