I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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