If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I AM VODKA MAN
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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