wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
