All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
