I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
