so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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