Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
