He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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