omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
