Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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