sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We need to get me chipped asap
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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