Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
