Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
