She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
