I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
