Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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