Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
3 2 1 whiskey
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
