i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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