Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
