Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
