Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
