So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
