my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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