I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
