Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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