My first STD was from a foam party
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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