So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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