so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
