some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
