woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
