ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize