Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
