as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
