You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
