Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
