i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
