i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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