There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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