My room smells like vodka and shame
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
