My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
