My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
