he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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