actually, I'm a sock model
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
