member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
