I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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