so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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