my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
