3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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