I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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