i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
